Close to God?

I just don’t believe that I can be Catholic nor Christian to do this. I’ve been looking different religions up. I find out that there are several Pagan practices concealed in Christianity. Though it’s been said that if a person chooses to incorporate these days as part of their worship of God, there is an obvious violation of God’s law. I’ve been questioning a lot of things, is the church aware of this? I know some of you will be pretty mad, but if you look at history, you’ll get what I mean. It’s the saddest thing you’ll ever feel that you wished that you’ve been aware of what you were doing any sooner or never found out about it. But it will always be better to be out of the dark.